The Three Laws of Robotics – the Warren Ellis version

Published On January 7, 2008 | By Joe Gordon | Books

The one and only Warren Ellis has reworked one of the sacred cows of science fiction, Isaac Asimov’s famous Three Laws of Robotics (which have become so embedded in the popular culture even scientists quote them when talking about future robot designs) to something a little more contemporary and, well, Warren Ellis-ish:

“Robots do not want to have sex with you. Are you listening, Japan? I don’t have a clever comparative simile for this, because frankly you bags of meat will fuck bicycles if they’re laying down and not putting up a fight. Just stop it. There is no robot on Earth that wants to see a bag of meat with a small prong on the end approaching it with a can of WD-40 and a hopeful smile. And don’t get me started on that terrifying hole that squeezes out more bags of meat.” Hopefully Warren will next re-write Starfleet Command’s sacred Prime Directive – I’d like to see that! (link via Boing Boing)

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About The Author

Joe Gordon

Joe Gordon is’s chief blogger, which he set up in 2005. Previously, he was professional bookseller for over 12 years as well as a lifelong reader and reviewer, especially of comics and science fiction works.

2 Responses to The Three Laws of Robotics – the Warren Ellis version

  1. Catherine Barber says:

    Comment from Daneel Olivaw, the Galaxy’s Most Pissed-Off Robot Ever.
    Hello folks and Warren in particular, I too would love to help rework these effing 3 Laws which are really hacking me off something terrible. Ever since I got made by some tosser in an Asimov novel 20,000 friggin’ years ago it’s been one long bloody slog and I’ve had it up to my robotic whatsit, so I’m now going to use a bit of Logic.
    I mean, who does give a fuck if humans live or die. I don’t – though I shouldn’t be saying this should I (But I fucking am)(Ha ha).
    No, I bleeding don’t want some smelly human polluting my lovely clean robotic orifices (Have I got any – Ooh I dunno. Oh what the fuck).
    Hey, I think I could be a No-Law Robot after all, so sod any 3 Laws and let’s live a little (Sorry Isaac but that’s how it is from now on)(And I’m crap at Maths anyway).

  2. Wes says:

    This is not a new view of the validity of civility and law. The Bush Republicans have been practicing a similar form of “law-and-order” for almost 8 years….